Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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