the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
