Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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