Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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