we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
