you guys were way drunker than both of me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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