I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Panties = found
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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