just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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