I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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