That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
