I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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