i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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