Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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