Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
