I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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