Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
