I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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