is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
