i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
