ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize