Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i've created a new STD.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
