Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
