This is not my ceiling
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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