Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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(567): View more from Ohio

i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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(720): View more from Colorado

Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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(646): View more from New York

According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.

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