ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
