just tell him i said nine months
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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