Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
