I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize