so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
