Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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