at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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