Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
