just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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