some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
