apparently the secret to your success is patron
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
