TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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