I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everything about him screamed your future.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
