loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
