Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
