She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
