I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think my fart just growled at me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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