im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
