Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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