I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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