I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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