I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
