Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize