My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize