Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
