how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
