What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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