Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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