remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize