I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
