3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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