Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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