Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
