I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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