So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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