; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
