They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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