This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
