no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
