After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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