Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
