never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
