When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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