how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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