Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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