at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
