Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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