It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
