I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
