You're earring is so big in my mouth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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